Young Love in Afghanistan... Parallels to Us?

I just read an article in the October 3rd issue of Upfront magazine entitled "The Price of Young Love" by Jack Healy. It is about the problems facing teens in Afghanistan who dare to buck the established system and date people they want rather than those who are chosen for them.

The article discusses a pair of teens named Rafi and Halima who are currently jailed because they dared to love each other. In their culture, parents arrange the marriages of their children. The groom's family pays a lot of money to the father of the bride when a marriage is arranged, so Rafi and Halima committed both a moral and a "financial transgression" (p. 7) by becoming romantically involved. They were in a car heading to the courthouse to get married when they were attacked by a mob. They were called adulterers and many, including their own families, think they deserve to be stoned.

I have a very difficult time understanding this situation. Rafi and Halima are teenagers in love; that seems to be the most normal thing in the world from my American viewpoint. I don't understand how parents who supposedly love their children can feel so strongly about and so harshly judge their children's choices that they think they should die because of a decision like this. It is easy for me to condemn their families as being backwards and perhaps even evil.

However, if I take a look at our own cultural experience, I can identify parallels in our culture. It wasn't all that long ago in the United States that persons of different races were forbidden to marry. I recall reading stories about black men who were charged with crimes or even killed because of romantic relationships they had with white women. Even though that is no longer illegal, there are still those who judge others involved in interracial relationships. Stoning may not be how it is addressed today, but the judgment can still be found in some places by some people.

Now, we are faced with a different kind of cultural taboo: same sex relationships and marriages. Although same sex couples in some places can publicly live their lives together and in some places can even marry, there are still many who feel that they must hide their relationships. Some hide their lives to avoid the scorn they might otherwise face; others wish to avoid the potential for physical violence. Either way, there are people in our midst who can't have an open relationship with the person they love.

I think the laws in Afghanistan need to change; people should be able to choose their marriage partner rather than have one assigned to them. However, I also think we need to do more right right here in the Land of the Free to make sure that all people are free to live the lives they wish with the people they love.